Tag Archive: experience


Gloomy Modern Days

The ideas of true love, and soulmates, in modern day relationships, are merely utopian. Maybe, just maybe, what we are seeking for, are not the so-called ‘true love’, or ‘soulmates’, but just a person whom you shared so much precious experienced with or someone who gave you so much irreplaceable memories, that you are reluctant to let that person go.

So, what would be the most crucial thing that you look for or expect in love? Is it like the mutual, childish, but kinda shy confession like in Little Manhattan? Would it be a person who would always plan carefully for the future, to make sure everything is okay in the relationship? Would it be a scene, where you and your loved one are walking along the beach, leaning on each other, and watching the sunrise together?

Think about this, think of your favourite moment, were you alone? Or were you with someone? Life is certainly better with company (Up in the Air). Perhaps, the most important element in a relationship, is the consistency, so that the mutual love would never change and the high point of the relationship would last long enough. That is the most attractive yet mysterious thing in love, which traps people to seek for love, despite being hurt again and again.

Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art—
         Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
         Like nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
         Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
         Of snow upon the mountains and the moors—
No—yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
         Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
         Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever—or else swoon to death.
(John Keats, Bright Star)
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Drink up baby, stay up all night
With the things you could do, you won’t but you might.  (Elliott Smith)

Having beautiful memories doesn’t always bring salvation. The more beautiful memory it is, the more painful it can become. It can even become terrifying. It’s very hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. The feelings are still fresh, as if it just happened yesterday. Well, perhaps, it takes some sort of sadness for a person to grow, or even to know what happiness is… and it doesn’t matter who hurt you or broke you down, what matters is who makes you smile again….

Well, positive thinking: disappointment should be finite; and hope should be infinite. Maybe, just maybe the light can reach even the bottom of the dark ocean. Maybe there’s just one dark road ahead. But, I still need to believe and keep going. I have to believe that the stars will light up the path, even just a little bit.

Winter, the season I met you, is coming.
A winter without you, is coming…

Cry  for the Moon Cover: https://www.facebook.com/JuvenilesCorner/videos/217531245801301/

So in my high school, we were not allowed to eat in the classrooms.

One day, after having the P.E. lesson, I found myself a bit dizzy (probably because of lack of food, being too hungry). I was afraid that I might pass out in the following class, but I could not get any food from the foodstore as we were not allowed to eat in the classroom. And I just remembered I had chewy gums in my bag, so I decided to eat them when I could get back to the classroom (though it is not real food, it might help).

Back in the classroom, it was recess time, I took my bag out, and was going to get the chewy gums. Suddenly, the person who sat next to me, Steven, asked me to give him two. But I was too hungry, so I ignored him, and put all the gums I had into my mouth and chewed.

It was still recess time, there were prefects outside looking for ‘criminals’ who did ‘illegal’ things like eating in the classrooms. At some point, Steven took out a sandwich from his bag and gave it a bite (apparently he was hungry too), and lol, got spotted by a prefect.

The prefect went to Steven, asked him to get his student ID card out, and to go to the disciplinary department because we were not supposed to be eating in the classroom. I was so scared at that time, because I still had chewy gum in my mouth.

Just when the Steven and the prefect were about to step out of the classroom to the disciplinary department, Steven stopped, and pointed at me, telling the prefect ‘He is eating chewy gums as well, go get him too!’

‘Oh Bugger off, Steven!’ I thought.

The prefect came to me asking whether I was eating gums. I was listening to music at that time with my earphone on, so I pretended I could not hear him, and I thought the recess was almost over, so I just had to pretend not to understand him for a couple more minutes, then he would have to leave.

At that time, the prefect got angrier than the angry bird, and took one side of my earphone off, and asked me to open the mouth and let him check whether i was eating. I was afraid, and thought about swallowing the gums. But I couldn’t because i was too afraid.

I thought ‘Oh no, so this is the end of my clean sheet in school?’
Suddenly I had an idea. I used my hand to take off the other side of my earphone, and in that 0.1 second, I spitted the gum onto my hand, then open my mouth to the prefect, showing there is nothing in my mouth. He then smiled, and said ‘Thanks for your co-operation, sir.’  I replied, ‘No problem.’ Just before he wanted to leave, Steven shouted ‘It is on his hand!’

I thought ‘Oh no, so this is the end of my clean sheet in school?’
Suddenly I had an idea. I used my hand to take side of my earphone on, and in that 0.1 second, I put the gum into my mouth, then showed my hand to the prefect, proving that there is nothing on my hand. He then smiled, and said ‘Thanks for your co-operation, sir.’  I replied, ‘No problem.’ Just before he wanted to leave, Steven shouted ‘It is in his mouth!’

I thought ‘Oh no, so this is the end of my clean sheet in school?’
Suddenly I had an idea. I used my hand to take off the other side of my earphone, and in that 0.1 second, I spitted the gum onto my hand, then open my mouth to the prefect, showing there is nothing in my mouth. He then smiled, and said ‘Thanks for your co-operation, sir.’  I replied, ‘No problem.’ Just before he wanted to leave, Steven shouted ‘It is on his hand!’

I thought ‘Oh no, so this is the end of my clean sheet in school?’
Suddenly I had an idea. I used my hand to take side of my earphone on, and in that 0.1 second, I put the gum into my mouth, then showed my hand to the prefect, proving that there is nothing on my hand. He then smiled, and said ‘Thanks for your co-operation, sir.’  I replied, ‘No problem.’ Just before he wanted to leave, Steven shouted ‘It is in his mouth!’

I thought ‘Oh no, so this is the end of my clean sheet in school?’
Suddenly I had an idea. I used my hand to take off the other side of my earphone, and in that 0.1 second, I spitted the gum onto my hand, then open my mouth to the prefect, showing there is nothing in my mouth. He then smiled, and said ‘Thanks for your co-operation, sir.’  I replied, ‘No problem.’ Just before he wanted to leave, Steven shouted ‘It is on his hand!’

I thought ‘Oh no, so this is the end of my clean sheet in school?’
Suddenly I had an idea. I used my hand to take side of my earphone on, and in that 0.1 second, I put the gum into my mouth, then showed my hand to the prefect, proving that there is nothing on my hand. He then smiled, and said ‘Thanks for your co-operation, sir.’  I replied, ‘No problem.’ Just before he wanted to leave, Steven shouted ‘It is in his mouth!’

I thought ‘Oh no, so this is the end of my clean sheet in school?’
Suddenly I had an idea. I used my hand to take off the other side of my earphone, and in that 0.1 second, I spitted the gum onto my hand, then open my mouth to the prefect, showing there is nothing in my mouth. He then smiled, and said ‘Thanks for your co-operation, sir.’  I replied, ‘No problem.’ Just before he wanted to leave, Steven shouted ‘It is on his hand!’

I thought ‘Oh no, so this is the end of my clean sheet in school?’
Suddenly I had an idea. I used my hand to take side of my earphone on, and in that 0.1 second, I put the gum into my mouth, then showed my hand to the prefect, proving that there is nothing on my hand. He then smiled, and said ‘Thanks for your co-operation, sir.’  I replied, ‘No problem.’ Just before he wanted to leave, Steven shouted ‘It is in his mouth!’

………………….

Being taken over by The Fear

Lily Allen’s The Fear can probably be crowned The National Anthem of the 21st Century.

‘I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them’

These opening lines cannot be more real. People nowadays don’t give a crap about anything other than money. It’s easy to say we shouldn’t be too materialistic, but it’s hard to put this principle into life. At the end of the day, money means power, and it gives you a very comfortable life. It’s difficult, if not impossible, not to be engulfed by the greed inside us. Again, at the end of the day, ‘I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner’.

‘And I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
‘Cause everyone knows that’s how you get famous.’

This is exactly the view of the majority people I believe. We don’t seem to care how we get money, we don’t care about whether it’s ethic to do something in exchange of fame, glory, and eventually money. Is it the correct mindset? I don’t know. Living in a corrupted world, I don’t know what is real, and what I meant to feel anymore.

And here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25QrnxD-NB4 you get to hear the great national anthem of the 21 century.


I do admire Lily Allen’s ability to write lyrics in a very very poetic form (at least to me it is so poetic). But the most important thing, is I think she does write people’s heart. I personally think, she did write a lot that reflects my life. The Fear is one of them, The Littlest Things… ehm… I may probably have encountered something similar.

Well, listening to Lily Allen’s at least gives me some comfort, so I know there are people outside who could still see the truth.

‘Sometimes I find myself sittin’ back and reminiscing,
especially when I have to watch other people kissin
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?
I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end’

Started watching South Park again lately. Still the same, Butters is my favourite character as he is like an innocent baby. Kenny is cute as well, due to his ‘mmmmmmmm’ voice, although he is probably the dirtiest one.

I always imagine, if I were in South Park, I would probably be Butters. He is the young me, as I was, and probably I am still, an innocent person like him haha (Maybe sarcastic?) Well sometimes I’ll have the evil thoughts of Eric Cartman though, because when I do tricks on people, I can’t stop laughing, and I’ll laugh like Eric Cartman the Fattie!

Actually, how nice would it be in the South Park? When there’s nothing bothering you, and you can play all day without any pressure from the human world? Childhood is the best!

Having the ‘Friendzone Military rank’ in mind (which I will repost at the end of this entry), we know a friendzone occupation is like a real job, you can either get promoted or relegated. As in the real military rank, your ‘Goddess’ does not get many ‘General’s (Boyfriend), while she can probably be surrounded by a bunch of soldiers (most likely infantry and Arrow Army).

In order to get promotion, you can choose to do it actively by confessing yourself in different ways. This takes an awful lot of courage to do, but is very unlikely to succeed. Why? Because if you are the one she likes, you would have been automatically promoted before you even have to make a move. The other are unlikely to get even a date to try. But if you don’t confess, this will like a never-ending situation: you see your Goddess making out of other people, and you get jealous….. never ever ending. And… ‘Jealousy, turning Saints into the Sea’ as the Killers sang in Mr. Brightside.

Therefore, you somehow need to apply for the occupation of a General, although it is more than likely to end in a rejection. What happens next in the event of a rejection? Back off! If you don’t want yourself to get stuck in the never-ever-ending friendzone and keep getting jealous from time to time, back off! Why? For certain, she will get a general one day, and you don’t really want to see this, unless you can wholly give it up. And you know, one day, the General will evolve into the King (the husband), and your Goddess will be the Queen (the wife), and they will have a happy life somewhere with some princes and princesses. They will really ‘Rule the World’, oh, no, not the world, but your world. Well isn’t that what you ‘want’ though? Getting her happy by serving her whenever she needs?

Whether you should jump off the boat and quit the friendzone, and end the friendship (not really preferable though), depends on the situation. Well, it can be a hard decision to decide. A friendship can be a base of a relationship and it gives you hope sometimes. If you don’t resign from your post though, jealousy will likely to come to the way at certain point of your life.

Well it is nothing wrong to hand in your ‘application form’ to be a General, as after that, you can know what to do next depending on the situation. But just like applying for university, always know when to apply, what is the entry requirement, and prepare for the ‘interview’ (if you are lucky enough to get a date). Don’t be shy, go and try. Good luck to everyone willing to be the General of the Apple of your eyes!

Friendzone Rank:

1: Infantry–> only serves the ‘Goddess’, but cannot do anything to her.
2: Navy –> richer than ‘Infantry’, using money and gifts to maintain relationship with the ‘Goddess’.

3: Horse soldier –> Can have the qualities of ‘infantry’ or ‘navy’, or both, but gets to be the ‘friend with benefits’ with the ‘Goddess’. Is also the highest rank of soldiers.
4: Arrow army –> Long distance relationship with the ‘Goddess’, using text/ Skype/ Facebook to contact, possibly haven’t even seen the ‘Goddess’ in real life.
5: Wizards (Evil): Getting alcohol or drugs to get benefits from the ‘Goddess’

The Royal Family:
1. King –> Husband of your ‘Goddess’
2. Queen –> Your ‘Goddess’ after Marriage
3. General –> Boyfriend of your Goddess
4. Prince/ Princess –> Children of your Goddess

Friendzone is like hell

Being in the friendzone is like a farmer (especially for the infantry type who is ONLY regarded as ‘friend’ by his crush) You just blindly follow what she tells you, and never refrains from it. The uncertainty about whether you will succeed one day keeps you going as you still believe in it. Fine.

What’s the worst part of it? Definitely when you are at Level 99 of Friendzone, when your ‘Goddess’ tells you who she likes, who she wants to sleep with, and who she fancies. D It is, definitely the day of doom. Yes, it feels a lot ‘better’ when you know the guy she goes for is NOT going to be the General, ya? You know what I mean? All your ‘track record’ turns out to be a total failure, like a kind of trash.

Friendzone is hell really, unless you can break it through. If you stay long enough to see their wedding, you might as well be a Saint, but they will not thank you for anything…. LOL

Mainstream

Sometimes in life, our behaviours are bounded by what the mainstream of people do, as you think, if you do something different, you’ll be labelled as being ‘odd’, and being in the ‘outgroup’. It’s just like when you are in the English lecture, and you’re doing your French homework, people would assume that you don’t belong to the English group, thus being a little bit odd.

Well, following the mainstream is somehow correct, in certain situation, only when you think it is the right thing to do. But it does not necessarily mean that if you don’t follow the majority of people, you are wrong. For example, if you’re in a party, and everyone is smoking weeds, you might end up being the outgroup if you don’t do what they do, but it is in many ways correct for you not to smoke.

Pressure from the mainstream affects what we do, and how we act. Just like in the lyrics of ‘Stacy’s Mom’, it says ‘I know it might be wrong, but I’m in love with Stacy’s Mom’. Why does it have to say ‘I know it might be WRONG’ for falling in love with Stacy’s Mom? For it is just a feeling, it is not morally wrong, or would not really harm anyone. Take it the other way round, I assume if someone says Stacy in the video is pretty, he might be condemned for being a ‘pervert’, because Stacy is too young. Well, in this case, I think it’s nothing wrong for people to admire Stacy, if he does not make any move. However, the perception or awareness of being condemned would somehow limit what people say.

Thoughts of the mainstream limit what we say, what we do, and how we think. Therefore, we will end up leaving too much being unsaid, being undone, and not being thought about. So, with all those limitations going on, how do we achieve freedom? Sometimes, we all need a time, to get a cup of tea, and think, as if we are the only ones in the world, and being unaware of the mainstream, and then come up with things that we really want to do, and that’s how we achieve true happiness, just like a salmon swimming upstream, to achieve its goal.

Fragments of memories

American singer Kelly Clarkson has a song called ‘A moment like this’, which says A moment like this, some people wait a lifetime.

Yes, life is often composed of the past, of the memories we have, for certain moments that we always want to remember. After having read quite much Romantic literature (in terms of Romantic period), I can see that most writers at that time agreed with that too. Take my favourite poet John Keats as an example, in his poem Bright Star (which is one of my favourite poems of his), he was trying to capture the moment, that he was leaning towards his girlfriend Fanny Browne; in his Ode to a Nightingale, he was trying to turn the moment that he saw the nightingale into literature. Everyone has different moments that he wants to remember: the happy ones, the sad ones, the romantic ones, the hilarious ones, the touching ones…….. But it has to be unique, and probably special.

Well, do we actually live in the past, or the present? (I think we can neglect the possibility of living in the future as we are not Marty in Back to the Future) We all live in the past. If we think about it this way, life is just composed of all the fragments of memories we had, the ‘present’ that we see, is just going to turn to the past, to the history in the next second, just like Jimmy Hendrix said ‘The story if life is quicker than the wink of an eye), the present does not mean much as it turns to the past too quick. That is probably why my favourite Romantic writer John Keats, immersed himself into describing the memories he had, trying to re-collect some of the best moments he had, with the ‘words brighter than bright, and fairer than fair’ (when he described Fanny in his letter) If, I can travel back in time, I would also like to go through certain moments in my life again. (And of course I would like to visit Keats, as he is sometimes my inspiration of writing.) And the following piece of writing, is for me to remember a friend who is going back home soon. (I rarely write poems, so I am not sure if it is a good one)

Forlorn! Forlorn!
For thou art gone.
Lasting fragments I get,
When thou art back for dawn.

Eternal Sunshine with the waking dream,
Woken by the hateful gleam.
Go back where you belong,
We are fish in different streams.  

Having learned English language for more than a decade, the problem of accent never came across my mind till I watched the British movie recommended by my dad, Melody (1971). Although I was only like 5 years old when I watched it, I found that the English that people spoke in the movie was amazingly harmonic, it was, as I thought, beyond the level of language, I would describe it as a tune. The tone, the syllables, the sound, the rhythm were all perfect. Since then, I developed my passion towards British accent, but I merely did anything to try to adapt to this accent, maybe I was too young. As I grew older, I seemed to forget how good it was, until I watched the movie Serendipity (2001), with the stunning British Actress Kate Beckinsale in it.

Kate Beckinsale, as I have noticed, has a clear London accent, which is practically similar to the BBC accent. Her voice also worked amazingly with this accent, Listening to her speech is like listening to a fine piece of tune, as every syllable is uttered crystal clear, and the tone is so fine-tuned that, it is like an innocent girl speaking. It is indeed nicer than the voice of a Nightingale. Her accent, combining with her nice acts in the movie, made her so perfect to me, and it confused me: does an accent make someone perfect? Not sure, but I think it would indeed affect the impression of the other people. Yes, it makes me think that she is perfect. Although she has already got a daughter Lily, her voice and accent still make her seem like a child. Some people call her a MILF (which I found a bit offensive); some would call her a fit bird. Yes, she is fit, but ‘bird’ does not seem to be good enough, I would describe her as a swan. Stacy’s Mom has got it going on? No, Lily’s mom has got it going on!

On the train from Manchester to Edinburgh after the table-tennis match, my companion Ben, and I met a girl from Nottingham. Having heard Scottish accent while studying in Scotland for so long, this girl reminded me of what the perfect accent (she got BBC Accent just like Kate Beckinsale) of English should be like, thus redeeming my passion about the sound of English. Yes, I will try to get rid of my original accent, and get myself with this BBC accent. What’s the point of studying a language? Practical use, YES, but it is also about your passion about the language. If you like a language, you would try your best to reach the highest level of the language. It is not simply to use, but to enjoy the language. It is similar to the difference between surviving and living. Hopefully, within 3 years, I would speak like some of the greatest British politicians in the UK, with the perfect BBC accent, and it will be part of my identity.