Tag Archive: friendzone


Listen Children to a story that did happen long ago
In a kingdom within city and the uni-lad below

So I knew her in my second year of uni. After knowing her, I immediately applied to join her ‘army’ team, being the soldier around her. I went so far to an extent that, I went to McDonald’s to work because I knew she worked there. Despite the fact that we worked different shifts (She usually finished at 8am, while I started at 9am), I would literally go to work a couple hours early, just to see her. My manager sometimes said ‘Well, you do not get paid for starting early.’ I would just say ‘Well, I do not really care.’

She studied at university as well, and we were in the same course, and the same tutorial. Sometimes we studied till late, and she would come to my place for food before she went home. My fridge ended up being empty all the time but I wouldn’t really care.

This went on till almost Christmas time. One day, she said to me ‘Ahh I am spending my Christmas alone again this year…’ Maybe I thought about it too much, but I genuinely took it as an implication. Also, I thought ‘Well, it is time for me to resign from the army, and see if I can get further with her.’ So, i asked her to go to the beach on the silent night, and she said ‘Yes.’

At the beach, we lied down and were staring at the stars. At some point, I asked ‘Do you want to be my girlfriend?’, just that, just straight. She smiled, with ‘ha ha’, without saying anything. Well, what does it mean then? But I thought, if I asked further, it might ruined it. So I was like 50-50 about it, not sure about what she thought.

Then, on the 25th, we hanged out then went for a dinner at hers. I asked her again the same question. Her reply was the same, and somehow we just ate and finished the dinner cheerily. I didn’t ask further, I thought she wasn’t sure about it. THEN what?

She went home on the 31st December and said she would spend the new year with her family. Fair enough! But then what? On the new year day, she posted a picture of her and a guy holding hands, with loads of hearts in it. Well, fair enough, I asked her why she did not reject me right away? She said ‘If I rejected you, then you probably would not spend those time with me then.’ Oh… lol…. Well done, playaaa!

Well, once a soldier, always a soldier, she has always been a player and everytime she breaks up, I help her through, while HOPING (realising I cannot) I have a chance. I know I don’t but well, it’s hard anyway. So, once you’ve joined the Goddess’ Army, it’s hard for you to get out.

So what’s next year? I might have more hope on MU winning the Premier League than myself finding a partner.

What’s your view then?

 

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So, a friend of mine (who is a girl) asked me how to flirt with a guy who plays tennis. (Yea, that’s a sign of ultimate friendzone: https://hayeschan.wordpress.com/2015/03/12/ultimate-friend-zone/)

Well, taken into account that table-tennis is similar to tennis, my table-tennis experience can help me tackle her problem. This post is probably useful if you are a girl liking a sporty guy (like me #legend)

So, get a chance to play table-tennis (abbreviated as TT ) with him. Just saying ‘Oh you are so good, it is so hard to hit the ball! Teach me!’ Even if you may be very good, pretend to be not-quite good, at least worse than him. Just hit every shot off the table, and then say ‘Oh why am I not even getting it right?’ and be frustrated. Just make a scene, then he will come and ask you ‘Is everything alright? You are doing well!’. Then, you reply ‘AHHHHH I am playing so badly, no one is gonna play with me anymore because i am rubbish! Saw you having a very good techniques like topspin, can you help me more?’

The biggest weapon of a girl is probably her tears. If he is a knightly guy, he will definitely say ‘YES!’ (If he says NO he is probably the utter rubbish and can be dumped to the trash bin) So he will hold your hand and teach you! (Just as Beatles’ ”I wanna hold your hand”)

Then, as the session (your dream) starts approaching the end, you just say ‘Oh it is getting late, I have to go. Can we practise more? Can I have your number so I can contact you? So we can arrange training?’ 99% he will say OKAY NO PROBLEM! Of course, after getting the number, you are free to whatsapp/ text unlimitedly because he is probably going to reply and the conversation will go on and on as if it is only the two of you existing on the planet.

Caution: The self-confidence of guys is sometimes so weak, so if you are very good at TT, do NOT try to say ‘Let’s play a match!’ and then beat him 11-0 or 11-1 in every set. You have to lose even if you are better than him (As the Quest to fail in Childe Roland)

Tips: Help him to wipe the sweat at the end; stick the plaster to his wound if he gets hurt (He will never take the plaster away even when the wound gets smelly). 100%sure win!

There are many people out there saying ‘Romance films are boring, non-sense, and only lead to your “Final Fantasy”‘ People who think like this are too naïve, and haven’t lived long enough to see the reality of the world.

You have to have enough experience in the world, e.g. being tricked/ friendzoned  by the girl you like, before you truly admire a ‘romance’ work. A romance work, is a world where a man and woman can love each other freely, neglecting the limitation of the reality: If you two like each other, you can be together; if you fancy a couple of birds, you can work on those simultaneously and see which one work out the best; if you two just have physical needs, you can be friends with benefits. Yes it’s unrealistic, but why do you not think about it this way: Can the reality in which we live in, give us the happiness that we can obtain from those romance story? In the world of romance, it is not like ‘there is no negativity like hates, jealousy and the ugliness of human being’, it is just that every character can express themselves honestly, expressing the full love or hate, unlike in the real world, everyone lives within his hoods, hiding his real thoughts, escaping from the social network.

Fantasy exists in everyone’s heart, romance work is not place for you to escape from the real world, but a place to let you feel the happiness that the real world cannot give you. So, romance will teach you something wrong about the real world? Then, detective stories will teach you to commit crime, right? ‘Hunger Games’ teaches you to be selfish? If you don’t have self-control, you will probably learn to abuse animals after watching Pokémon. Listening to people who are against the genre of Romance, I have absolutely No Comment.

Being taken over by The Fear

Lily Allen’s The Fear can probably be crowned The National Anthem of the 21st Century.

‘I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them’

These opening lines cannot be more real. People nowadays don’t give a crap about anything other than money. It’s easy to say we shouldn’t be too materialistic, but it’s hard to put this principle into life. At the end of the day, money means power, and it gives you a very comfortable life. It’s difficult, if not impossible, not to be engulfed by the greed inside us. Again, at the end of the day, ‘I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner’.

‘And I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
‘Cause everyone knows that’s how you get famous.’

This is exactly the view of the majority people I believe. We don’t seem to care how we get money, we don’t care about whether it’s ethic to do something in exchange of fame, glory, and eventually money. Is it the correct mindset? I don’t know. Living in a corrupted world, I don’t know what is real, and what I meant to feel anymore.

And here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25QrnxD-NB4 you get to hear the great national anthem of the 21 century.


I do admire Lily Allen’s ability to write lyrics in a very very poetic form (at least to me it is so poetic). But the most important thing, is I think she does write people’s heart. I personally think, she did write a lot that reflects my life. The Fear is one of them, The Littlest Things… ehm… I may probably have encountered something similar.

Well, listening to Lily Allen’s at least gives me some comfort, so I know there are people outside who could still see the truth.

‘Sometimes I find myself sittin’ back and reminiscing,
especially when I have to watch other people kissin
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?
I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end’

‘The Littlest Things’

Probably Spring is the season of many friendzones happening, as I saw from the examples from my friends. Lily Allen’s ‘The Littlest Things’ popped up to my mind after being involved in the SAD STORIES. Yea, this is a break-up song, but can also be seen as a friendzone song.

‘The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
The things are reminding me of you’

The Littlest things? Aye, they could be little, but somehow powerful, that can drive you crazy, and it is unfair, that those memories remind me of the special ‘you’.

‘Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?’

This is a very realistic bit, as you can call it the END, when you think ‘Oh I wish we could just pretend’, because you know it will never ever happen.

This is a song, that reminds us to be realists. There are two types of people in the world, romantic cheeseballs, and realists. Well, it is so idealistic to think that a relationship will last forever. It is not the case: this song reminds us that, no matter how close you can be with your one, there is still a chance for one person to change her (or his) mind, and dump you into the sea. No matter how flirtatious she was, no matter what she says, most ‘promises’ are never kept. Even if a couple really stays till they are so old, there must be one that ‘goes’ first, and the other will can only be ‘sitting back and reminiscing’. How dreadful is that? We come to the world alone, and probably leave it the same way. Keep this idea in mind, and in this way, you’ll feel less pain, when you get noticed that ‘your one’ (as you call) finds her one (who is not you) and keeps mentioning about ‘her one’ in front of you with the most cheerful face.

LOL NEVER MENTION ABOUT YOUR DATE IN FRONT OF THE PEOPLE WHO YOU THINK MAY LIKE YOU, AS THEY WILL FEEL THE INSANITY OF SADNESS!

Poetry: Friendzone

Well haven’t written a poem for a while. Wrote it after seeing a film quite related to friendzone, hope you all like it.

Friendzone, a doomed Bell Jar

Bittersweet memories,
I always offered, when you needed me.
Yes, you trusted me, you needed me, just not in that way.
As I am stuck in the ultimate friendzone, where you can tell me about your date.

Here is my honest narration,
Friendzone is nothing much but a gruelling affliction.
Offering you everything you need,
Although knowing it is a never-ending land it leads.

What do I mean to you?
Why do you never give me a chance too?
You once described I was a nice guy,
Oh well, you can always try before you ‘buy’!

I dreamed that we could have our own sweet nest,
Yet you left me awake with a sweet unrest.
How nice is it, if my dreams turn real?
Then my fragile broken pieces will ever be healed!

Forlorn! Forlorn!
For thou aren’t fond.
Thou shalt not be responsible for my scar,
As you merely put me in a doomed Bell Jar.

Having the ‘Friendzone Military rank’ in mind (which I will repost at the end of this entry), we know a friendzone occupation is like a real job, you can either get promoted or relegated. As in the real military rank, your ‘Goddess’ does not get many ‘General’s (Boyfriend), while she can probably be surrounded by a bunch of soldiers (most likely infantry and Arrow Army).

In order to get promotion, you can choose to do it actively by confessing yourself in different ways. This takes an awful lot of courage to do, but is very unlikely to succeed. Why? Because if you are the one she likes, you would have been automatically promoted before you even have to make a move. The other are unlikely to get even a date to try. But if you don’t confess, this will like a never-ending situation: you see your Goddess making out of other people, and you get jealous….. never ever ending. And… ‘Jealousy, turning Saints into the Sea’ as the Killers sang in Mr. Brightside.

Therefore, you somehow need to apply for the occupation of a General, although it is more than likely to end in a rejection. What happens next in the event of a rejection? Back off! If you don’t want yourself to get stuck in the never-ever-ending friendzone and keep getting jealous from time to time, back off! Why? For certain, she will get a general one day, and you don’t really want to see this, unless you can wholly give it up. And you know, one day, the General will evolve into the King (the husband), and your Goddess will be the Queen (the wife), and they will have a happy life somewhere with some princes and princesses. They will really ‘Rule the World’, oh, no, not the world, but your world. Well isn’t that what you ‘want’ though? Getting her happy by serving her whenever she needs?

Whether you should jump off the boat and quit the friendzone, and end the friendship (not really preferable though), depends on the situation. Well, it can be a hard decision to decide. A friendship can be a base of a relationship and it gives you hope sometimes. If you don’t resign from your post though, jealousy will likely to come to the way at certain point of your life.

Well it is nothing wrong to hand in your ‘application form’ to be a General, as after that, you can know what to do next depending on the situation. But just like applying for university, always know when to apply, what is the entry requirement, and prepare for the ‘interview’ (if you are lucky enough to get a date). Don’t be shy, go and try. Good luck to everyone willing to be the General of the Apple of your eyes!

Friendzone Rank:

1: Infantry–> only serves the ‘Goddess’, but cannot do anything to her.
2: Navy –> richer than ‘Infantry’, using money and gifts to maintain relationship with the ‘Goddess’.

3: Horse soldier –> Can have the qualities of ‘infantry’ or ‘navy’, or both, but gets to be the ‘friend with benefits’ with the ‘Goddess’. Is also the highest rank of soldiers.
4: Arrow army –> Long distance relationship with the ‘Goddess’, using text/ Skype/ Facebook to contact, possibly haven’t even seen the ‘Goddess’ in real life.
5: Wizards (Evil): Getting alcohol or drugs to get benefits from the ‘Goddess’

The Royal Family:
1. King –> Husband of your ‘Goddess’
2. Queen –> Your ‘Goddess’ after Marriage
3. General –> Boyfriend of your Goddess
4. Prince/ Princess –> Children of your Goddess

Ultimate Friend Zone

In my blog post about the film ‘Love, Rosie’, I mentioned about different types of ‘Friend Zone’ fighters. Just in case you missed it, here it goes:

1: Infantry–> only serves the ‘Goddess’, but cannot do anything to her.
2: Navy –> richer than ‘Infantry’, using money and gifts to maintain relationship with the ‘Goddess’.
3: Horse soldier –> Can have the qualities of ‘infantry’ or ‘navy’, or both, but gets to be the ‘friend with benefits’ with the ‘Goddess’. Is also the highest rank of soldiers.
4: Arrow army –> Long distance relationship with the ‘Goddess’, using text/ Skype/ Facebook to contact, possibly haven’t even seen the ‘Goddess’ in real life.
5: Wizards (Evil): Getting alcohol or drugs to get benefits from the ‘Goddess’

Type 1 Infantry is by far the most common I have known. Well, imagine at night-time when you are about to sleep, your ‘Goddess’ suddenly texts you with her problems saying that she needs help, you will always try to pretend to be ‘Ya I am fine, I am always here to help’ LOL this is one of the hardest things to do, you know you’re not getting anything, you are just ‘helping’ for the sake of ‘helping’ it. Blindly following what your ‘Goddess’ says has already been your moral, your philosophy and stuff. It just feels like your are doing your own work for the sake of doing it, while you know you’re not gonna be promoted to the General (Official Boyfriend). Well I can imagine one can be at a certain ‘Friendzone’ fighter to different ‘Goddesses’, so you get more chances to get promoted someday. But if you are going for several ‘Goddesses’, Type 3 (Horse Soldier) and Type 5 (Wizard) will not be applicable to you as they will ruin your impression to other people. Type 2 is not recommended either unless you come from a very posh background. So Type 1 and Type 4 will probably be the only choices for fighters with multiple targets so your ‘Goddesses’ will not notice what you did to their ‘colleagues’. Just remember, keep your ‘clean sheet’, try to portray yourself as good as possible, then you should be fine! From Infantry to General is not easy, it’s like From Paris to Berlin; it’s like growing plants, you don’t know if the plant will grow well but you still do it. Being at a certain rank, is like having a visa, while some provides you with ILR (Indefinite Leave Remains), while some is just temporary. When you get promoted to General, you have successfully immigrated with a passport of your Goddess’ mind. Yes, I will be General Chan sometimes! It will not be far!