Tag Archive: girl


Food and Girls

I am quite a good chef, and everytime I cook I try to think about how to improve my dish next time. And now I discover the connection between food an girls.

A good dish often looks good, smells good, and tastes good. It is the kind of food that you would like to keep in your mouth for as long as possible because once it went down to your digestive system, it is gone. This kind of food, is just like the beauty and cuteness of Emma Watson, and Kate Beckinsale.

There are many ways to cook: bake, fry, steam, boil….. Among those, deep-frying is the most special one, as it completely changes how the ingredients taste. The first few bites of a deep-fried product are probably quite enjoyable, as it has a crispy crust surrounding the hot stuff inside. However, it wouldn’t take long until you get sick of it because of the oil. Deep-frying, is basically just giving a crust to cover the food, just like the girls having enormous amount of make-up, or plastic surgeries, just to make themselves like the ‘deep-fried’ food. With everyone covering themselves with the ‘deep-fried’ crust, it is hard to spot the difference between Emma Watson and the others, until they uncover themselves. But what’s the point of it then? Everyone is just a clone?

Well, sometimes, all you need is just a normal bowl of rice. It does not have the beauty of Kate Beckinsale or the cuteness of Emma Watson, but at least, it is real.

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There is a type of girls who like to touch you when they speak to you.

They are usually nice people, with beauteous smiles like the sunshine, and make you feel comfortable when you spend time with them.

Sometimes when they speak to you, they will touch you (no matter whether they actually mean it), like touching your hand, or pet your shoulder. And when you make jokes, they will show a genuine happy smile.

Sometimes if you are like the most single person in the universe, your talent of ‘Final Fantasy’ might be triggered, and think that they are flirting with you by touching you. And then, the truth is, you just think too much. They never have any intentions. And  you end up entering the ‘army’ of the girl.

It’s Valentine’s Day soon, well, guys, wake up! Don’t live in your final fantasy! It’s just a day when chocolate is on discount!

‘The Fault in Our Stars’, in my opinion, is an average film. Probably because of the fact that I’ve seen ‘Love Story ‘ (1970), then the it will be too predictable to me. Trust me, they have the same formula, just that not many people know ‘Love Story’ so they get so touched by ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ But to be honest, the book is better than the movie, and there is a scene which I particularly like.

If you know the plot, you know the two main characters do not really treat their relationship too seriously (because they are afraid that the death of one of them would hurt the other too much) until the dinner of a trip they go together. After the dinner, the boy declares his love for the girl for the first time.

‘I am in love with you’ (p.153)

As a male, when you declare to someone you love, you cannot be like a moron. If you are not ready, don’t do it just yet; if she is not ready, don’t start it just yet. Once you’ve decided to do, go do it. You have nothing much to lose. His simple but direct statement goes through to give the girl a shock, before he continues to say ‘I am’, meaning ‘I do NOT care how much time we have left but I have to say it!’

‘I  am in love with you, and I am not in
business of denying myself the simple
pleasure of saying true things.’

He refers the reason for his declaration to the simple pleasure of saying the truest things in his heart, which he refuses to deny. He is like ‘I ONLY WANT TO SAY THE TRUE THINGS!’

‘I’m in love with you, and i know that
love is just a shout into the void,
and that oblivion is inevitable,
and that we ‘re all doomed and that there
will come a day when all our labor
has been returned to dust,
and I know the sun will swallow the only
earth we’ll ever have,
and I am in love with you.’

He keeps repeating the sense that ‘I am in love with you’ to strengthen the mood, but this is not the main point here. Here, we can see an interesting point of view. Yep, life is too short for anything to be left unsaid. There must be a day when the earth is doomed, and human race gets extinct, and there is no point not to express yourself while you can. ‘A shout into the void’ is similar to Shakepare’s ‘Macbeth’ when he wrote ‘Life is but a walking shadow’It’s a pessimistic point of view for life, but it is somehow true. No matter how much you achieved in life, there must be a time, when your existence is no longer available, not even in anyone’s memory. However pessimistic the world seems (even the boy knows that), he literally ‘does NOT give a shit’, because he is in love with her. What a very courageous, and great, way of declaration.

Whatever we have in life just happens on Earth, on the mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam (Carl Sagan). Do we live in a world in which we can touch? Or do we live in a world in which we create our own mind? No one can ever answer that. Life is too short for anyone to find out the answer. All we can do is to do our best, to leave nothing unsaid, undone, while we can. Don’t be afraid to fail, because no one can even remember what you have done forever.

So, a friend of mine (who is a girl) asked me how to flirt with a guy who plays tennis. (Yea, that’s a sign of ultimate friendzone: https://hayeschan.wordpress.com/2015/03/12/ultimate-friend-zone/)

Well, taken into account that table-tennis is similar to tennis, my table-tennis experience can help me tackle her problem. This post is probably useful if you are a girl liking a sporty guy (like me #legend)

So, get a chance to play table-tennis (abbreviated as TT ) with him. Just saying ‘Oh you are so good, it is so hard to hit the ball! Teach me!’ Even if you may be very good, pretend to be not-quite good, at least worse than him. Just hit every shot off the table, and then say ‘Oh why am I not even getting it right?’ and be frustrated. Just make a scene, then he will come and ask you ‘Is everything alright? You are doing well!’. Then, you reply ‘AHHHHH I am playing so badly, no one is gonna play with me anymore because i am rubbish! Saw you having a very good techniques like topspin, can you help me more?’

The biggest weapon of a girl is probably her tears. If he is a knightly guy, he will definitely say ‘YES!’ (If he says NO he is probably the utter rubbish and can be dumped to the trash bin) So he will hold your hand and teach you! (Just as Beatles’ ”I wanna hold your hand”)

Then, as the session (your dream) starts approaching the end, you just say ‘Oh it is getting late, I have to go. Can we practise more? Can I have your number so I can contact you? So we can arrange training?’ 99% he will say OKAY NO PROBLEM! Of course, after getting the number, you are free to whatsapp/ text unlimitedly because he is probably going to reply and the conversation will go on and on as if it is only the two of you existing on the planet.

Caution: The self-confidence of guys is sometimes so weak, so if you are very good at TT, do NOT try to say ‘Let’s play a match!’ and then beat him 11-0 or 11-1 in every set. You have to lose even if you are better than him (As the Quest to fail in Childe Roland)

Tips: Help him to wipe the sweat at the end; stick the plaster to his wound if he gets hurt (He will never take the plaster away even when the wound gets smelly). 100%sure win!

Being taken over by The Fear

Lily Allen’s The Fear can probably be crowned The National Anthem of the 21st Century.

‘I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them’

These opening lines cannot be more real. People nowadays don’t give a crap about anything other than money. It’s easy to say we shouldn’t be too materialistic, but it’s hard to put this principle into life. At the end of the day, money means power, and it gives you a very comfortable life. It’s difficult, if not impossible, not to be engulfed by the greed inside us. Again, at the end of the day, ‘I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner’.

‘And I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
‘Cause everyone knows that’s how you get famous.’

This is exactly the view of the majority people I believe. We don’t seem to care how we get money, we don’t care about whether it’s ethic to do something in exchange of fame, glory, and eventually money. Is it the correct mindset? I don’t know. Living in a corrupted world, I don’t know what is real, and what I meant to feel anymore.

And here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25QrnxD-NB4 you get to hear the great national anthem of the 21 century.


I do admire Lily Allen’s ability to write lyrics in a very very poetic form (at least to me it is so poetic). But the most important thing, is I think she does write people’s heart. I personally think, she did write a lot that reflects my life. The Fear is one of them, The Littlest Things… ehm… I may probably have encountered something similar.

Well, listening to Lily Allen’s at least gives me some comfort, so I know there are people outside who could still see the truth.

‘Sometimes I find myself sittin’ back and reminiscing,
especially when I have to watch other people kissin
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?
I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end’

Fragments of memories

American singer Kelly Clarkson has a song called ‘A moment like this’, which says A moment like this, some people wait a lifetime.

Yes, life is often composed of the past, of the memories we have, for certain moments that we always want to remember. After having read quite much Romantic literature (in terms of Romantic period), I can see that most writers at that time agreed with that too. Take my favourite poet John Keats as an example, in his poem Bright Star (which is one of my favourite poems of his), he was trying to capture the moment, that he was leaning towards his girlfriend Fanny Browne; in his Ode to a Nightingale, he was trying to turn the moment that he saw the nightingale into literature. Everyone has different moments that he wants to remember: the happy ones, the sad ones, the romantic ones, the hilarious ones, the touching ones…….. But it has to be unique, and probably special.

Well, do we actually live in the past, or the present? (I think we can neglect the possibility of living in the future as we are not Marty in Back to the Future) We all live in the past. If we think about it this way, life is just composed of all the fragments of memories we had, the ‘present’ that we see, is just going to turn to the past, to the history in the next second, just like Jimmy Hendrix said ‘The story if life is quicker than the wink of an eye), the present does not mean much as it turns to the past too quick. That is probably why my favourite Romantic writer John Keats, immersed himself into describing the memories he had, trying to re-collect some of the best moments he had, with the ‘words brighter than bright, and fairer than fair’ (when he described Fanny in his letter) If, I can travel back in time, I would also like to go through certain moments in my life again. (And of course I would like to visit Keats, as he is sometimes my inspiration of writing.) And the following piece of writing, is for me to remember a friend who is going back home soon. (I rarely write poems, so I am not sure if it is a good one)

Forlorn! Forlorn!
For thou art gone.
Lasting fragments I get,
When thou art back for dawn.

Eternal Sunshine with the waking dream,
Woken by the hateful gleam.
Go back where you belong,
We are fish in different streams.  

Having learned English language for more than a decade, the problem of accent never came across my mind till I watched the British movie recommended by my dad, Melody (1971). Although I was only like 5 years old when I watched it, I found that the English that people spoke in the movie was amazingly harmonic, it was, as I thought, beyond the level of language, I would describe it as a tune. The tone, the syllables, the sound, the rhythm were all perfect. Since then, I developed my passion towards British accent, but I merely did anything to try to adapt to this accent, maybe I was too young. As I grew older, I seemed to forget how good it was, until I watched the movie Serendipity (2001), with the stunning British Actress Kate Beckinsale in it.

Kate Beckinsale, as I have noticed, has a clear London accent, which is practically similar to the BBC accent. Her voice also worked amazingly with this accent, Listening to her speech is like listening to a fine piece of tune, as every syllable is uttered crystal clear, and the tone is so fine-tuned that, it is like an innocent girl speaking. It is indeed nicer than the voice of a Nightingale. Her accent, combining with her nice acts in the movie, made her so perfect to me, and it confused me: does an accent make someone perfect? Not sure, but I think it would indeed affect the impression of the other people. Yes, it makes me think that she is perfect. Although she has already got a daughter Lily, her voice and accent still make her seem like a child. Some people call her a MILF (which I found a bit offensive); some would call her a fit bird. Yes, she is fit, but ‘bird’ does not seem to be good enough, I would describe her as a swan. Stacy’s Mom has got it going on? No, Lily’s mom has got it going on!

On the train from Manchester to Edinburgh after the table-tennis match, my companion Ben, and I met a girl from Nottingham. Having heard Scottish accent while studying in Scotland for so long, this girl reminded me of what the perfect accent (she got BBC Accent just like Kate Beckinsale) of English should be like, thus redeeming my passion about the sound of English. Yes, I will try to get rid of my original accent, and get myself with this BBC accent. What’s the point of studying a language? Practical use, YES, but it is also about your passion about the language. If you like a language, you would try your best to reach the highest level of the language. It is not simply to use, but to enjoy the language. It is similar to the difference between surviving and living. Hopefully, within 3 years, I would speak like some of the greatest British politicians in the UK, with the perfect BBC accent, and it will be part of my identity.

 

 

Having studied English literature for two and a half semesters, I genuinely think that the creative pick-up lines nowadays can really be categorized as ‘literature’.

Literature comes from human life, just as Wordsworth claimed, poetry should come from rural life. John Keats had a humble life, and became a great writer. What does it tell us? Literature originates from human life, as writers get inspired from what they see in human life.

Pick up lines, or chat up lines, are as Wordsworth mentioned, human language, as they are actually uttered by normal people. One of my favourite writer, John Keats, also included a pick-up-line-like line in his letter to Fanny Browne, saying ‘I almost wish we were butterflies and liv’d but three summer days – three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain.’ He, as a Romantic writer, is, in my opinion, the beginner of the pink-up culture, a good, healthy, and sensible culture. I would imagine that, Wordsworth, who also agreed that literature comes from normal life, would love the pick-up-line culture, and expand the lines into rhymes, rhymes into poems, poems to a poetry collection. Yes, pick-up poems, pick-up books, pick-up passages that would help you through the ice-breaking process, and kill the dead air.

Do not underestimate the structure and techniques in pick-up lines, as far as I know, a successful pick up line is usually a highly metaphorical one, hopefully rhyme a bit. For example, ‘If you can build any kind of ship in the world, what would you build? I would build a relationship!’ This one is quite a metaphorical one, it may take the hearer a few seconds to realize what happened, its construction is detailed too, putting the ‘ship’ into the word ‘relation’ to make it work, clever. If you have read the poetry of Keats’, you would also find his work is as this line, highly metaphorical. So how can you not call good pick-up lines literature? The line ‘I have got XX kg of muscle of steel, and sex appeal.’ shows that pick up lines can rhyme. No matter how Wordsworth put forward the idea for blank verse, lines that rhyme are always better and more memorable.

Pick up lines are usually successful in making the hearer laugh, and it is usually the first step in building the possible ship, what ship? Relationship. But if you are going for one, don’t quote from Shakespeare for a pick-up line, because it is highly risky. Remember a quote from A Mid Summer Night’s Dream? ‘Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.‘ It can be seen as offensive. And for Much Ado About Nothing, ‘For which of my bad parts didst thou fall in love with me?’ Do not try it either, you might get a reply with the title of the play, ‘Just that one, but then I knew it was Much Ado About Nothing.’

Pick-up lines are generally inspired by creativity and the texts you read, the more you read, the more things you can make reference to. For instance, if you do not know anything about the Science, you can never come across the line ‘Hi, I need to accuse you of causing Global Warming because you are too hot.’ Wordsworh’s companion Coleridge is correct, poetry, or perhaps literature, is as logical as Science, but just deeper as it includes Science. There should be a course in English Literature degree called ‘Pick-up course’, because it is an integral part of ANY LITERATURE in the world, and is potentially a new favourite genre of literature. Yes, I am sure if a person can create a pick-up poetry, pick-up story, pick-up biography, or maybe a pick-up novel, he can probably be crowned as the next Keats!

 

 

There are always girls who claim that they are fat (including my mum), although they aren’t. Sometimes they are really skinny, but they still say ‘AHHH I am SO FAT! I have decided to go on a diet, and I’ll start jogging…….. ‘  stuff like that.

What would you answer when a girl asks ‘Do you think I gained weight lately?’ Answers vary among different repliers. Why would this question be so popular nowadays? I believe, they just want compliments. IF you want to make them happy, then you would say ‘No, you are fine, I think you lost weight lately.’ Then, they would still complain about themselves, and wait for more compliments. What you need to do, is just to keep denying every statement they say. Eventually, they would be happy. They just try to get compliments, by complaining about themselves, metaphorically, it is a step forward by going a step backward.

If you want to try whether it is just a strategy of getting compliments, just try to AGREE with every complaint they make on themselves in front of you. ‘YES, you are right, you changed lately…..’ Then, they would notice their strategy does not work on you. Just like how I answer the same question when my mum asks, haha.

There are many words with more than one meanings. The word ‘Crush’ is an example.

‘Crush. It’s funny how the same word for the feeling of disappointment can be used for the feeling of attraction. The OED ( Oxford English Dictionary) states one of the meanings for the word crushed as “a strong and unreasoning, but transitory attachment.” (Cashback 2006)

I think everyone must have at least a crush in life, no matter whether you get her or not. For a crush, you normally do not fall for her outer beauty, but rather personality. And, if you fall for someone’s personality, everything about them becomes beautiful, no matter what the objective perspectives are. No matter what you might have planned for your ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ material, a crush is a crush, you just like her, regardless of what ‘you think you would like’.

Making a move to a crush is always a heart-threatening, and difficult one, because you’re afraid of losing her. Some people would go for some dramatic moves, like saying ‘You Jump I Jump.’; while some would be subtle and only keeps on texting; and some would transmit their feelings through action. Indeed, there are many ways, however, no matter how fluently you normally speak, you will always be tongue-tied , because in your heart, you know that you are a coward, you are always afraid of losing it, always afraid of your crush saying ‘NO’, and moving on with someone you think they like, and then, your heart will be CRUSHED (the other meaning– ‘to break, pound, or grind (stone or ore, for example) into small fragments or powder.‘) It is unlike going ‘fishing’ in Nightout, because the ‘fishes’ at nightouts are only for a laugh, while you know you like your crush, and you know that you would like to be with her, if you get her, you will be happy in your entire life.. Having a crush would make you live in the world with her, you would regard every one else as ‘fools who would never understand your passion’.

Making a move to a crush is not wrong, in my opinion. You show your passion, so you would not regret of what you SHOULD HAVE done, and lose your crush to the ‘bastards’. If it ends with a ‘YES’, you get what you want and deserve; if it ends with a ‘NO’, you can make a clear break (This is what people might say, but I think this is bullshit, because there is NO WAY you will feel good about this, no matter how your friends are gonna comfort you.)

Talking about a ‘NO’ answer, it sucks, it really does, because getting over it is hard. You might suffer from it, like being immune to sleep and eat, and being uninterested in ANYTHING other than IMAGINING that your crush would phone you and say ‘Ya, I like you, it is a YES!’. Some people suggest that ‘getting over a Crush is to turn her into literature.’ AYE, it does help, in the long term, but it does not change the fact that you will suffer. Trying to be sensible thinking about the reason of ‘REJECTION’ never helps too, because at the end of the day, the reason you think about is always ‘YEA SHE DOES NOT LIKE ME.’ It is indeed, inevitable to suffer for at least a few days, or even years. You may notice that there are ‘plenty fishes in the sea’, but you would still think this sentence as ‘bullshit’, no matter how many times you say it to your friends.

Aye, having a crush would often crush your heart, but it is like diarrhea, you can just never control it, as you know, in your heart, that the juice is worth the squeeze.