Tag Archive: relationship


Those Days

‘Those Days’ (Hayes)

Looking back,
The night that belonged to me and you.
Nothing seems to lack,
Just an enticing night of me and you.

In an instant,
I have too much to say.
We will soon be separated by distance,
I’d only enjoy before the sun fades.

Even tomorrow might be filled with starlight,
It is nowhere near as beautiful,
As tonight’s alluring sight,
Seeing your smile, I feel blissful.

My lonesome, sealed heart was shaken by thy appearance.
Although we parted, thou made my life an elegance.

 

 

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Expectation vs Reality

‘Fall in love with someone who wants you, who waits for you. who understands you even in the madness; someone who helps you, and guides you, someone who is your support, your hope. fall in love with someone who talks with you after a fight. Fall in love with someone who misses you and wants to be with you. Do not fall in love only with a body or with a face; or with the idea of being in love.’
(Various sources)

This is quite a good quote about falling in love, and quotes like this, makes me want to believe in love again. It makes me want to believe that love is about finding a person who cares about you, who would understand you, and who is always there for your when you need. In other words, it’s about finding a person who shares mutual love with you, despite what the physical circumstances might be, such as geographical locations and other things. Yes, love is not about having a checklist or scoresheet rating your lover: where he lives, how much he earns, what languages he speaks, how tall he is (e.g. oh no, he lives quite far away, so I’d better not even try; oh no, he hasn’t got a proper job, no!!; oh no, he doesn’t speak my first language, then how would he be able to communicate with my friends and family?!; oh no, he just missed 175cm!)……… it should be about how you feel, and not just the numbers you have on your checklist!

Yep, while the above sounds romantically sensible, this is not how it works nowadays. The physical requirements can be real deal breakers nowadays, no matter how much you are willing to invest/ sacrifice/ commit to a relationship. Not fitting the bill can be seen as recipe for disaster…. well, distance is obviously the major culprit I would guess. The quote at the very beginning, while looking nice, gives people false hope on how a relationship would work. Reality checks in, and stabs you right at the heart, and leaves you bleeding on the cold, hard ground.

Dreams, are my reality
I like to dream of you close to me.
I dream of loving in the night
And loving seems alright
Although it’s only fantasy.
                                                   (Richard Sanderson, Reality)

Sometimes I wish we could just pretend,
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, tell me,
Is this the end.
    (Lily Allen)

It is way too idealistic to believe that beautiful things last forever. No, they don’t. Something that’s beautiful, like fireworks, or sky-writing, isn’t meant to last forever, but just long enough for people appreciate. Everything is like a fireflies, which glow and dim.

Sometimes I find myself sitting back and reminiscing,
Especially when I have to watch other people kissing.
                            (Lily Allen)

We all want to go back to a time when ‘everything is great’, when we were happier. However, the happier time we had, the sadder it is to reminisce. Being nostalgic about the past, surely prevents one to move on, by sending him/ her to his/ her imagination-land, leaving him/ her to chase the ‘shadow’.

Some people handle love and never try
I can almost fly with your wings to set me high.
                                             (Daoko)

Gloomy Modern Days

The ideas of true love, and soulmates, in modern day relationships, are merely utopian. Maybe, just maybe, what we are seeking for, are not the so-called ‘true love’, or ‘soulmates’, but just a person whom you shared so much precious experienced with or someone who gave you so much irreplaceable memories, that you are reluctant to let that person go.

So, what would be the most crucial thing that you look for or expect in love? Is it like the mutual, childish, but kinda shy confession like in Little Manhattan? Would it be a person who would always plan carefully for the future, to make sure everything is okay in the relationship? Would it be a scene, where you and your loved one are walking along the beach, leaning on each other, and watching the sunrise together?

Think about this, think of your favourite moment, were you alone? Or were you with someone? Life is certainly better with company (Up in the Air). Perhaps, the most important element in a relationship, is the consistency, so that the mutual love would never change and the high point of the relationship would last long enough. That is the most attractive yet mysterious thing in love, which traps people to seek for love, despite being hurt again and again.

Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art—
         Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
         Like nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
         Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
         Of snow upon the mountains and the moors—
No—yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
         Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
         Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever—or else swoon to death.
(John Keats, Bright Star)
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d
(Alexander Pope)
This Alexander Pope’s quote is an interesting one. In general, it is about the chaste women devoting their lives to serving God, and cutting themselves off from real life. They are happy, because they can be ignorant to the burdens, and negativity in real life. The vestals, and the world don’t think about each other. The ‘eternal sunshine’ in line 3 refers to a mind that does not dwell on tribulations from the past and dissociates itself from anything from reality, thus being able to experience the true bliss, the true happiness. And therefore, they are able to accept every prayer, and they are able to demit themselves from their unrealistic wishes.
I like this poem, because it can serve as a comfort to individuals who are suffering from emotional problems. Well, is detaching from reality the best way of escapism? It may be a short-term remedy, but in the long run, you still need to face the problem, yourself. Running away from the problem never helps, because the ‘eternal sunshine’ in the poem is unrealistic. Everyone has problems that he/ she has to deal with. That differentiates our life stories, as we are all different, and we have different chapters in our lives. A successful life belongs to the ones who can overcome difficulties, and enjoy life while surrounded by obstacles, any time, anywhere.

Drink up baby, look at the stars
I’ll kiss you again, between the bars (Elliot Smith)

Elliot Smith’s ‘Between the bars’ is a song that focuses on ‘drink up’ and ‘drink up’. It is probably a love song written from the perspective of a bottle to an alcoholic. In other words, every line seems to suggest that the alcohol is mentally controlling the alcoholic. Lines such as ‘Drink up one more time, and I will make you mine‘, and ‘The people you have been before, that you don’t want around anymore‘ suggest that the alcohol has absolute control over the alcoholic, and the alcohol promise to ‘keep them still’, and ‘them’ refers to the people who ‘push and shove and bend to your will‘.

That is how people get addicted to alcohol, because alcohol can give you the false imagery of the reality by affecting your senses. It can also draw you into drinking more. To some extent, this is somehow equivalent to the addictiveness of emotional pain. Sometimes, when you undergo personal problems, especially when it comes to relationship, it is extremely hard to get over the problems, unless you have 0 hope in it, an absolute 0. Or else, the lingering hope would be similar how Elliott Smith would describe alcohol, ‘drink up one more time, and I will make you mine‘, making you to dwell on your pain, and by dwelling on your pain, you feel like you are still in your comfort zone.  People who ask you to move on, might eventually turn to the ‘The people you have been before, that you don’t want around anymore‘ because they ‘push and shove and bend to your will‘. By dwelling on the problem, nothing is fixed or improved. If one dwells on the problem for too long, the promise that ‘tomorrow will be better’ is merely void.

What a brilliant song with beautiful lyrics, and a song, that can help one reflect.

 

Random poetry

She, is a funny little dime.
To fall for her, is just a matter of time.
Alcohol makes me sober with feeling,
And today it creates a sense of seeing.

Thou saw me needing you,
Who shalt I turn to?
The thing you mentioned that night,
It’s harsh, right?

Dreams are my reality,
I’d like to dream of you close to me.
Lol I just prove my self superior and mighty,
And move away from any wearies!

One day, I was in the toilet, trying not to flush down the chocolate treasure I just produced with all my sweat and tears, after not being able to produced any for a whole damn week. That little poop, despite being extra-ordinary unlovely, spent many valuable, yet maybe ordinary, years with my  intestine.

Can I really forget what we have been through together?

Without a healthy-me, there wouldn’t be the little poop; without the little poop, there wouldn’t be a healthy-me. Is this special relationship comprehensible (digestible?) for any normal people?

At this moment, I remember someone told me ‘Sometimes, you are to dedicated to a things. You need to learn how to lift something down after you pick it up when it is the right time.’

BUT, do you know why I’m so dedicated? Everytime when I am lost, where are you? You said you’d always be here for me!  I’ve always been putting pressure in myself, because it has always been the little things in life that get me through tough time, and I cannot bear to say good-bye to the little things!

At that time, I heard the birds chanting outside, and I understood something: Everything has got where it belongs to, just like Richard Gere and Debra Winger have to go up where they belong in ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’ (1982) If I kept the poop in the toilet, it would be me being too selfish. It should really go back to the sea, and encounter another little poop, to open up a new chapter in life.

Thinking about this, tears went around my eyes, and I flushed the toilet, to farewell the little poop. I wore my trousers, leaving the toilet like a pro. And as I went, I finally found out, I had never wiped my butt!

Soldiers, referring to a group of fighters defending their beloved country. As we, as human, are approaching a more and more civilised life, nowadays the problems between countries are sometimes not tackled by warfare. The battlefield is not only on the field where soldiers kill each other, but also on the conference with leaders of different countries, or in the stock market, where people can win or lose millions in a second. The definition of ‘soldier’, has changed bit by bit, as we are having a different lifestyle as before.

So, what does a ‘soldier’ mean nowadays? Soldiers, fight till they die, and never surrender. It refers to the guys who ‘donate’ their lives to their ‘goddesses’. With an ambitious yet beautiful aim, soldiers give their lives away just to get near their goddess and make them smile. However, this sweet, yet a bit naïve thought, has always been abused by many girls. ‘Be my life-long soldier!’, this sentence, gives the confirmation of identity to the poor soldiers, while they don’t know there are many of soldiers like them on the goddess’ list of army. And of course, they don’t know there must be one day that they will be trashed away, as they get deleted from the army.

There are two types of soldiers: the lucky ones, will only be in the army for a short time before they get abandoned from the goddess’ army, and they still have time to live their lives; the unlucky ones, will have to pay the unlimited price, spending money on shopping and meals with goddesses, living in a tragedy forever. No matter if you are lucky or unlucky, as long as you are a soldier, your army-life will never be remembered. It’s just like country leaders will never remember the names of the soldiers who die in the wars.

Is it worth it to be a soldier?

So, a friend of mine (who is a girl) asked me how to flirt with a guy who plays tennis. (Yea, that’s a sign of ultimate friendzone: https://hayeschan.wordpress.com/2015/03/12/ultimate-friend-zone/)

Well, taken into account that table-tennis is similar to tennis, my table-tennis experience can help me tackle her problem. This post is probably useful if you are a girl liking a sporty guy (like me #legend)

So, get a chance to play table-tennis (abbreviated as TT ) with him. Just saying ‘Oh you are so good, it is so hard to hit the ball! Teach me!’ Even if you may be very good, pretend to be not-quite good, at least worse than him. Just hit every shot off the table, and then say ‘Oh why am I not even getting it right?’ and be frustrated. Just make a scene, then he will come and ask you ‘Is everything alright? You are doing well!’. Then, you reply ‘AHHHHH I am playing so badly, no one is gonna play with me anymore because i am rubbish! Saw you having a very good techniques like topspin, can you help me more?’

The biggest weapon of a girl is probably her tears. If he is a knightly guy, he will definitely say ‘YES!’ (If he says NO he is probably the utter rubbish and can be dumped to the trash bin) So he will hold your hand and teach you! (Just as Beatles’ ”I wanna hold your hand”)

Then, as the session (your dream) starts approaching the end, you just say ‘Oh it is getting late, I have to go. Can we practise more? Can I have your number so I can contact you? So we can arrange training?’ 99% he will say OKAY NO PROBLEM! Of course, after getting the number, you are free to whatsapp/ text unlimitedly because he is probably going to reply and the conversation will go on and on as if it is only the two of you existing on the planet.

Caution: The self-confidence of guys is sometimes so weak, so if you are very good at TT, do NOT try to say ‘Let’s play a match!’ and then beat him 11-0 or 11-1 in every set. You have to lose even if you are better than him (As the Quest to fail in Childe Roland)

Tips: Help him to wipe the sweat at the end; stick the plaster to his wound if he gets hurt (He will never take the plaster away even when the wound gets smelly). 100%sure win!